Jen’s Journal

Ah, Advent is upon us once again, and once again we are faced with an important question: Are we ready?  No, I’m not talking about being ready to get all our Christmas cards mailed out, or ready to go shopping and wrap the presents that we’ve spent the last several days/weeks buying, or even ready to pull those Christmas decorations out of the basement so that we can spend hours fighting with tangled light sets and pricking our fingers on prickly pine branches.  I’m talking about being ready for Christ.

We’ve all heard about the various ways that Advent is a time of preparation for the coming of Christ: Christ as the baby born in Bethlehem, Christ coming into our hearts in the present, Christ coming again at the end of time.  And we say that we are ready for Christ.  But are we really?  If somebody told us that we would die in 2 hours or that the world would be ending the next day, would we be ready?  Would we have all of our relationships in order, all of our debts paid?  Would we be willing to let go of all of our petty grievances, our pleasurable indulgences in gossip and blame, our desire for comfort at all costs?  Or would we ask God to just give us a little more time, to come back again another day after we have had our fill with the things of this world?  Would we be willing to give up earth, this life, for heaven and life eternal?  I’m not sure about you, but I don’t think I’m ready.

In hearing the Gospel reading for today about the servants being ever ready for the Master’s arrival, I thought to myself, “Good thing we have cell phones these days!  The Master can just call ahead whenever he’s coming and we can know to be ready.”  But, I don’t think God always works that way.  Sometimes, he might prepare us for our encounter with him - like when someone is diagnosed with a terminal illness and knows that they have a few months to live - but other times, he is like that unexpected guest who knocks on our door.  Do we open the door and invite the guest in, even though our house is a mess and looks uncared for?  Do we run and hide and pretend like we’re not home out of shame?  Is our house in good enough order to begin with that we don’t have to worry about it being too messy for guests?  Obviously, the last of these options would seem to be the best.  But sometimes it is in engaging in the first of these options that we come to see how important the last of these options is.  And ultimately, we can never keep our house 100% spotless because then we wouldn’t be living, breathing humans.  So, what do we do?  How can we make ourselves more ready for God our visitor?

I think that the best way that we can prepare for the second coming of Christ is to practice welcoming him into our lives each and every day.  If we have a friend that comes to visit us each day, that friend will get used to our house looking lived in, but we’ll also be sure to keep the house in good condition on a regular basis.  And so it is with Christ.  When we visit Christ in prayer each day, we come as we are and God meets us as we are.  But this prayer time also encourages us to examine ourselves, to consider how well we are following God’s commands, how well we are living out our Christian discipleship.  And our guest during this prayer time - Christ - is even willing and able to help us to get things in order.  But welcoming Christ on a regular basis requires going beyond just being present to Christ through special times of prayer.  It means welcoming Christ in other people as well.  When we say hello to someone we pass on the street, when we hold a door for the person behind us, when we visit the sick and imprisoned, when we engage in loving conversation with that person that annoys the heck out of us - when we do any of these things and more, that is when we are most practicing our welcoming of Christ.  And then, when Christ comes in glory at the end of time, we can say, “Finally, the one for whom I have longed is here,” and Christ can say, “Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world” in reply.  Because we indeed have been getting our lives in order by welcoming Christ all along.

Peace to you this Advent season.  Get ready.

There’s a country song that goes:

‘Cause there’s holes in the floor of Heaven
and her tears are pourin’ down
that’s how you know she’s watchin’
wishin’ she could be here now
And sometimes if you’re lonely
just remember she can see
there’s holes in the floor of Heaven
and she’s watchin’ over you and me

I’ve always felt a little ambivalent about this song.  I mean, it has a great message, but at the same time, it’s just a little too… I don’t know… sappy or something.  This song has come into my head lately, though, because I kind of think that it might really have some truth to it.  I think our loved ones really are looking down on us and perhaps doing even more good from heaven than they ever could on earth (St. Therese of Lisieux believed this, too, as do those who seek her intercession).  Let me explain…

It’s been just over 2 years since my dad died.  And for those who didn’t know my dad, there are two things that he was passionate about: politics and baseball.  My dad was a die-hard Democrat and a die-hard Orioles fan!  In fact, after my dad died, I joked that maybe the Orioles would finally win the World Series now that dad had heaven on his side.  Unfortunately, this event has not come to pass so far (I guess there are some other die-hard baseball fans in heaven too!), but some other baseball and politics related events have occurred recently that I can’t help but wonder if my dad had a hand in.

Exhibit 1: Barack Obama was elected President of the United States.  While my dad at times let his biases get the best of him, I think he’d be overjoyed that not only a Democrat, but an African American, was elected President.

Exhibit 2: The Baltimore Orioles changed their road jerseys to read “Baltimore” instead of “Orioles”.  This is one of those things that my dad (and a lot of other old-school Orioles fans) had wanted for some time.  I still remember going to Sunday home games with my dad in high school and talking with the other regulars at the stadium about this issue.  Well, it has finally happened: “Baltimore” it is!

Exhibit 3: Mike Mussina won 20 games for the first time in his career.  When I was younger, I LOVED Mike Mussina.  I cried terribly when he went to the Yankees and even gave him a card (in person) telling him how sad I was.  The one thing that my dad and I always talked about regarding Mike Mussina, however, is the fact that he had never won 20 games in a season.  My dad would always lament the fact that the baseball strike of 1994 robbed Moose of several chances to go beyond his 19 wins and finally reach that 20-game threshold.  Without a 20-win season, would Moose even have any chance for the Hall of Fame, despite his great winning percentage?  Well, Moose finally got his 20 wins this year.  And now he’s retiring.

Exhibit 4: George Steinbrenner has handed over control of the Yankees to his younger son.  Like any good Orioles fan, my dad hated the Yankees and George Steinbrenner.  My dad couldn’t wait until Steinbrenner gave up the team.  And now he has!  Not sure how much different his son will be, but at least it’s some kind of change.

So, you see, I think my dad has been pretty busy up in heaven lately.  Now how about that World Series, dad?

I’d just like to take a few minutes here to reflect on the Church as the Body of Christ because this understanding of the Church has been jumping out at me a lot recently and proving itself an incredibly useful metaphor.

In his First Letter to the Corintians, St. Paul writes…

“As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ…. Now the body is not a single part, but many. If a foot should say, “Because I am not a hand I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. Or if an ear should say, “Because I am not an eye I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God placed the parts, each one of them, in the body as he intended. If they were all one part, where would the body be? But as it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I do not need you.” Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, whereas our more presentable parts do not need this. But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. If (one) part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy.”

It amazes me how this 2000 year old wisdom of St. Paul still speaks so perfectly to the situation of our Church today! Take the liturgy, for example. If every member of the Church wanted to be an ordained priest, then the liturgy would involve a ton of priests concelebrating Mass and no community to join with them in raising prayer and praise to the Lord. Non-ordained members of the Church are needed precisely because they are not ordained and therefore are free to fill other needs.  Similarly, without ordained priests, we couldn’t celebrate the Eucharist, but without the community of believers, celebrating the Eucharist would have no meaning or purpose.  Or, if every member of the community wanted to be a lector and nothing else, then we’d never have music in the liturgy or someone to gather the assembly’s prayers into a united petition to God. Every member of the Body is needed, then, to fulfill their role within the Body. Three feet and no hands will keep the Body from fulfilling its mission as the hands of Christ. Five ears and no eyes will prevent the Body from correctly seeing the path they are to walk.

Let us keep this metaphor in mind, then, as we consider the call that we have been given as members of the Body of Christ. And may we all have the courage and commitment to fulfill our purposes in the Church, even when we don’t think that what we do is appreciated or important. When one part of the Body is weak or absent or hurting, the whole Body suffers! And Christ has suffered enough.

I don’t know much about this yet (haven’t had the time to read up on it with all of the other busyness in my life), but it sounds pretty interesting and important.  Next month, there will be a World Synod of Bishops in Rome, and the topic under discussion is: The Bible!  Well, more specifically, “The Word of God in the Life and Mission of the Church.” The last World Synod of Bishops was held in 2005 to focus on the Eucharist, so these Synods are a pretty big deal.  Catholic News Service has a lot of info related to the synod which may (or may not) be helpful to those interested.  The web address is http://www.catholicnews.com/biblesynod/ .  Also, the Vatican instruction for the Synod can be found here. Check these out in your free time… and I will, too, once I crawl out from under this mound of homework that is burying me right now!

As we all know at AI, the Word of God must be central to all that we do and all that we are as children of God and ministers of the Body of Christ.

“Today, as yesterday, the Church needs you and turns to you. She tells you through our
voice: Do not allow an alliance as fruitful as this to be broken. Do not refuse to put your talents at the service of divine
truth. Do not close your mind to the breath of the Holy Spirit.”

This message, offered by Paul VI to artists at the closing of the Second Vatican Council, was brought to my attention recently by Michael Stancil, my Supervised Practice of Ministry professor, and it seems to me to be a great place to start my reflection on the beginning of another exciting semester.  Yes, school is back in session now and that means another round of papers, tests, reading and the like.  Of course, the reward for all of that hard work is a growth in faith and knowledge and understanding, etc., so it’s worth it in the end.  But, it’s nice to remember that there is life beyond the academics, and that’s exactly what school is ironically promising to teach me this semester through Supervised Practice of Ministry.  For those who are unfamiliar with Supervised Practice of Ministry, SPM for short, it is sort of an internship in a particular ministry, but it also involves some classroom time and outside reading which help those who undertake it to “make sense of it all” or perhaps to grow through the mystery of not being able to make sense of it all.  That is, students in the class not only do ministry with supervision, but they also reflect on that ministry experience theologically, bringing the truths of the faith into dialog with personal experience and the social context of ministry.

What excites me the most about starting SPM this semester is that it will give me a chance to take what I have been learning as well as my God-given gifts and apply them to real people in real life situations.  I will be able to put my “talents at the service of divine truth.”  I will be able to (God-willingly) allow the Spirit to speak to me and to speak through me to those in need.  I see myself as not only the artist, but more importantly, as a tool in the hand of God, the instrument with which God can do good and bring forth beauty in the world.  What a privileged position to be in!  What an honor to be at the service of God and his people in such a way!

I ask for your prayers this semester as I take the next step in my educational and formative journey.

If you know anything about me, you’re probably thinking to yourself right now: “Why in the world is Jen writing a blog post about marriage?!  She doesn’t even have a boyfriend!  And she doesn’t want to get married!”  No, my friends, I have not run off to Vegas to get hitched while away from St. Louis.  I have, however, been thinking about the topic of marriage.  Marriage to God.

Now, before you get carried away with visions of nuns in wedding gowns, let me explain.  For the last several months, my spiritual life has been, well, less than ideal.  With school and work and tiredness to occupy my time, prayer has kind of taken a back seat in my life.  I still shoot off a few words to God here and there, but it’s not the same as taking out some time to really be with God, to listen to him, to give my attention to him.  And so I’ve felt disconnected from God.  Not because I feel like God is absent, but because I know that I am absent.  A realization of this predicament of mine hit me in June.  And I said to myself, “Okay, what am I going to do?  I don’t feel close to God.  I know that I haven’t been given him the time of day.  I have to make a decision here.”  Unfortunately, my initial desire was to say “well, I just don’t feel like spending time with God right now, so maybe we should just call it quits for a bit.”  And this is where I learned an important lesson about both God and marriage.

You see, I think that my situation with God is what happens in a lot of marriages today.  Spouses get busy, they get preoccupied with various things, and they fail to really make time for each other.  Yeah, they say hello and shoot off a few words here and there in between work and little league practice and the latest episode of CSI, but that isn’t enough to sustain their relationship.  Over time, other people, other activities grab more and more of their attention until they get to a point where they ask themselves “Who even is this person that I’m married to?  I don’t feel close to them like I used to.  And honestly, I’m not sure that I even want to.  I just don’t feel like spending time with them anymore.  Maybe we should take a little break from each other for a while.  Or, he probably won’t mind if I spend some time with X on the side.  What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Fortunately, with God, divorce isn’t really an option.  We kind of need him for everything.  And God always knows when we are being unfaithful to him.  Don’t believe me?  Just read some of the prophets!  So, I realized that, even though I didn’t feel like spending time with God, even though it would be easier to try to forget about God, I had to choose something else.  I had to remember my commitment to God, I had to think about all that God had done for me, I had to remind myself of who I am and who God is.  And I had to choose to work at my relationship with God, rather than abandon it.

This choosing to work at a relationship isn’t an easy thing.  It requires a commitment from both parties, sometimes against feelings.  And it’s sometimes hard to get both people to agree that the marriage is worth the effort.  Fortunately, with God, this latter issue is never a problem.  We can be sure that God is always willing to do his part and more to help us to be in relationship with him.  So, we still have to make some effort on our part to seek and respond to God’s grace, but at least we know that we’re not alone.

Where does this all leave me now?  Well, I’m still trying to get myself moving on the spending time with God thing.  I can’t say that I’ve been entirely successful yet.  But, I renew my commitment each day.  And I make sure that the few words that I do get off to God each day include a prayer for his grace in this matter since I know that I can’t do anything without him.  My feelings are even coming around, too, as I see more and more how much I want to be in relationship with God.  So, I think it’s a start.  Hopefully, this long, slow, beautiful dance called life with God will progress well.  And hopefully I’ll learn more and more how to make the choice to love as time goes on, rather than relying on warm, fuzzy feelings and selfish desire.

The Spring semester at AI may be over, but that doesn’t mean that my life has gotten any less hectic!  These past few weeks have been pretty busy with me training for my new job at AI, starting my summer class at SLU, celebrating my birthday, and searching for a new apartment.  The busyness doesn’t look like it will be letting up any time soon, either, since I’ve finally found an apartment and will be moving this coming weekend!  Whew!  I’ll need to stop and catch my breath when June rolls around!  Fortunately, the busyness has been good busyness, however.  My job has been exciting, my birthday was fun, and I’m so happy that I’ve settled my living situation for the next year!  My class at SLU could be better (and involve less work), but it’s not awful.  So, yeah, things are moving along nicely.

I hope that your summers are starting off well, too.  It’s always nice to enjoy the sun and summer breeze before it gets unbearably hot later in the year.  I think that’s why May is one of my favorite months.  The weather is usually really nice no matter where you are.  The fact that my birthday (and the birthdays of lots of friends) is in May makes this a nice month as well, of course.  And, hey, it’s the month of Mary, too!  Pretty cool.

Well, I’m off to do more packing for my move.  As the new student assistant in the admissions office, I’ve taken over the visit@ai.edu email account, so don’t hesitate to drop me a line if you have any questions or concerns.  Peace.

Well, I have officially finished my first year of graduate school!  The end was a little more crazy than I thought it would be, but I got everything done and made it through.

Yesterday was graduation day here, with 56ish students earning various graduate certificates and degrees.  There was a baccalaureate Mass in the morning at College Church, and then the conferral of degrees took place at the Church in the evening, followed by a reception at AI.  The ceremonies were really nice, and it was cool to see Fr. Rick preside over his first graduation as President.

Today there is a kickball party for the graduates at Tower Grove Park, and then tomorrow, two of our brothers (Simon Felix and Kevin) will be ordained to the priesthood!  How exciting!  Tomorrow is also Pentecost of course and Mother’s Day and the birthday of one of my friends!  Lots of celebrations!  Should be fun.

On Monday, it’s back to work as I transition into my new position as Admissions’ Student Worker.  Yes, that’s right, Katie will be moving on to concentrate on CPE this summer and her last semester of studies in the Fall.  She’s done a great job with admissions so I have big shoes to fill!  Hopefully I’ll do a good job and be of help to the school.

As for the rest of the summer, I’ll be starting a class at SLU on May 19th (my birthday), and that will run until the end of June.  I’ll also be working at AI during that time.  After June, I plan to go home to Maryland for a month or so, and then before I know it, it will be time to come back for another year of fun!

The notion of God-given gifts or charisms seems to be popping up in my life a lot lately, and this has gotten me thinking: How does one know how one is supposed to cultivate a particular gift? How does one know how and when one should use a particular gift? Is it possible to waste one’s gifts even if one is committed to following God?

Let me get into some particulars here. In Lay Formation this semester, we did this spiritual gifts inventory thing, which is basically a test that is supposed to help you discern what some of your gifts might me. My top gifts, unsurprisingly, turned out to be writing, knowledge, and celibacy (if that doesn’t sound like a Dominican vocation, then I don’t know what does?!). I refer to these gifts as unsurprising because, well, they have been affirmed by other sources. Lots of people have told me that I write well and I’ve seen how writing is a beneficial tool for both me and hopefully others. I also know that I love to study and learn and share my knowledge with others. And I’m not big on looking for a boyfriend. If we put the celibacy part on the side, though, the question is, how am I supposed to use my gifts for writing and knowledge? Some of my professors have really insisted that I should go on to doctoral studies when I get done at AI since I have the ability to do the work. I don’t deny that I could probably do the work and that a doctorate might be somewhere down the line for me, but I’m not sure that I want to go right into doctoral work after AI. In fact, at this point, what looks like the best next step for me is entering religious life. Now, there are some people who would totally disagree with this position, suggesting things like: “If you enter religious life, it might be years before you can do doctoral work, and that’s if they allow you to do it at all!” or “Make sure you choose a more modern community that will allow you to be educated and teach in higher education, just like a man/priest.” Part of me sees where these responses are coming from. People don’t want me to waste my gifts. I don’t want to waste them either. But, if I make religious life a priority over doctoral work, do you really think that God will be upset that I’m “wasting my gifts?” Wouldn’t God be happy that I am devoting my life to him and wouldn’t he most likely make sure that my gifts aren’t wasted? I mean, what good is it for me to “use my gifts” if I am not using them according to God’s will and plan? Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to offer myself fully to God, trusting that he will use me in the best way possible, according to who I am and the gifts that I’ve been given?

The temptation is there for me to pursue what the world sees as the best way to use my gifts, but I think that I ultimately have to trust God’s providence on this one. If when I am done my degree here, it seems like the best next step for me is doctoral work, then I’ll assume that God is leading me in that direction. But, if the next best step seems to be entering religious life, then I think that I have to go that route, trusting that God will not let my gifts go to waste. If that means never getting a doctorate, then maybe that will mean that God wanted me to use my gifts in some capacity that didn’t require that degree. As long as I am doing God’s will, nothing else matters. I know that I will be happy.

This is my last post for the day; I promise!  (It’s funny how interesting things seem to come up all at once)

The end of the semester is quickly approaching and that means lots and lots of work.  I have a paper due for my class on the Gospel of Mark this Thursday.  I have a paper due for morality the following Thursday.  Somewhere after that I have a Christology project/paper due.  And then I have an exam for Sacramental and Theological Foundations for Ministry, a short paper for Lay Formation, and an oral group exam for morality.  Sound like enough??

Pray for me and all students as we finish up another semester of seeking knowledge of the truth.  I’m sure we could all use a little God-inspired motivation!