Wasting Gifts or Simply Trusting Divine Providence?
The notion of God-given gifts or charisms seems to be popping up in my life a lot lately, and this has gotten me thinking: How does one know how one is supposed to cultivate a particular gift? How does one know how and when one should use a particular gift? Is it possible to waste one’s gifts even if one is committed to following God?
Let me get into some particulars here. In Lay Formation this semester, we did this spiritual gifts inventory thing, which is basically a test that is supposed to help you discern what some of your gifts might me. My top gifts, unsurprisingly, turned out to be writing, knowledge, and celibacy (if that doesn’t sound like a Dominican vocation, then I don’t know what does?!). I refer to these gifts as unsurprising because, well, they have been affirmed by other sources. Lots of people have told me that I write well and I’ve seen how writing is a beneficial tool for both me and hopefully others. I also know that I love to study and learn and share my knowledge with others. And I’m not big on looking for a boyfriend. If we put the celibacy part on the side, though, the question is, how am I supposed to use my gifts for writing and knowledge? Some of my professors have really insisted that I should go on to doctoral studies when I get done at AI since I have the ability to do the work. I don’t deny that I could probably do the work and that a doctorate might be somewhere down the line for me, but I’m not sure that I want to go right into doctoral work after AI. In fact, at this point, what looks like the best next step for me is entering religious life. Now, there are some people who would totally disagree with this position, suggesting things like: “If you enter religious life, it might be years before you can do doctoral work, and that’s if they allow you to do it at all!” or “Make sure you choose a more modern community that will allow you to be educated and teach in higher education, just like a man/priest.” Part of me sees where these responses are coming from. People don’t want me to waste my gifts. I don’t want to waste them either. But, if I make religious life a priority over doctoral work, do you really think that God will be upset that I’m “wasting my gifts?” Wouldn’t God be happy that I am devoting my life to him and wouldn’t he most likely make sure that my gifts aren’t wasted? I mean, what good is it for me to “use my gifts” if I am not using them according to God’s will and plan? Wouldn’t it make more sense for me to offer myself fully to God, trusting that he will use me in the best way possible, according to who I am and the gifts that I’ve been given?
The temptation is there for me to pursue what the world sees as the best way to use my gifts, but I think that I ultimately have to trust God’s providence on this one. If when I am done my degree here, it seems like the best next step for me is doctoral work, then I’ll assume that God is leading me in that direction. But, if the next best step seems to be entering religious life, then I think that I have to go that route, trusting that God will not let my gifts go to waste. If that means never getting a doctorate, then maybe that will mean that God wanted me to use my gifts in some capacity that didn’t require that degree. As long as I am doing God’s will, nothing else matters. I know that I will be happy.