Jen’s Journal

After re-reading my last post and taking in some more wisdom from class discussions this week, I decided that I should probably make an addendum to what I previously wrote.  That is, I didn’t mean to imply in my post on free will that humans can freely do all things if they just try hard enough.  Human effort alone is not sufficient.  God’s grace is always necessary.  That being said, it is our task to seek God’s grace and to be open to that grace as much as possible so that our will can more fully be aligned to the will of God and that our actions towards good might continually assist our growth in virtue.  The more we seek God’s grace and allow it to transform us, the more free our will becomes and the more our entire being is directed toward what is good and true.  We just can’t forget that we have some part to play here, some responsibility for our actions.  We can’t just do whatever we want and then blame God for not giving us the grace to do good.  We have to turn towards what is good and work with God’s grace to do good.

In several of my classes recently, we’ve been discussing the concept of freedom as well as a traditional Catholic understanding of the make-up of the human soul.  (Regarding this latter topic, I’m referring to things like the differentiation of the soul into the internal sensations, the passions, the intellect, and the will.)  And these discussions have gotten me thinking about the way we generally live today in modern-day America.  We Americans pride ourselves on freedom and the ability to choose many of the facets of our lives.  We choose what we will do, who we will be, where we will live, what values we will hold.  Now, compared to some countries where personal choice is not something that is generally supported or allowed, the situation of Americans sure seems great.  We have a freedom on a societal level that others in the world do not.  But, is freedom really just about a choice to do this or that?  Does choice involve merely doing what we feel like doing at a given time or is there something more?

It seems to me that choice always involves an act of the will.  And a truly free act of the will is based not just on our emotions or our dreams and imagination and senses but on our intellect as well.  That is, an act of the will that is a direct result of only the emotions suggests that a person isn’t truly and wholly free as a full human being but is rather controlled by one part of his or her self -  in this case, the emotions.  A truly free human being is able to take the data directed toward the will by the emotions and imagination  and senses and subject that data to the rational intellect whereby it is weighed against a broader conception of truth, an understanding of truth that is grounded in reason as well as divine revelation.  When the person can weigh all of this data and act in a way that is most in line with the truth, then the person is acting out of freedom.

So, what does this have to do with modern day Americans?  Well, it seems to me that too often, we Americans act not out of a careful consideration of truth, but simply out of an awareness of our emotional or sense-based desires.  And we think we are making a free choice to do what we want to do.  We don’t realize, however, that we really aren’t acting freely, but are allowing ourselves to be slaves to our emotions or senses which may be feeding us half-truths.  And we forget that in every situation, we still have a will which can be directed by something other than emotions and senses.  Just because we feel like doing something, that doesn’t mean that we have to do it.  We can decide to do something else.  I may feel like eating chocolate cake for dinner, and it might taste really good and put me in a good mood for the evening, but I can look at my desire to eat that chocolate cake and say to myself, “now, Jen, that chocolate cake has x amount of fat and y amount of calories and it’s mostly made of sugar.  Eating that cake will not be beneficial for your health.”  And I can choose to not eat the cake.  It may not be easy, but it is possible, particularly with the grace of God which continues to free us the more we seek it.

I need to hear this message as much as anybody.  Let us all pray for the grace to use our wills freely and in the light of truth.

Earlier this year, I had great plans in mind for the summer.  I wanted to take classes, visit Africa, make some money at work, catch up on some of those unread books on my bookshelf.  But apparently, life had other plans!  First Africa didn’t pan out.  I was a little bummed, but figured I would just get more of a chance to relax instead.  And then my mom got really sick.  And that has sort of occupied my life since Mother’s Day.

It kind of sucks when your mom is sick.  Especially when your father is dead, you are 25, and you live hundreds of miles away from home.   But, despite the ups and downs of this summer (which still continue), I am at least comforted in some way by an awareness of God’s Providence.

Yes, yes, I am partial to Providence.  I went to the school named after it, afterall.  But, I really do believe in God’s Providence.  For example, I was really set on going to Africa this summer, and I tried several different routes to get me there, but nothing worked out.  I could have said, “Geez, God, I want to go to Africa and learn new things and do good for people, so why are you not making this work?”  But if God had listened to my wishes, I would have run into a huge dilemma when my mom got sick, and I probably wouldn’t have been able to make the trip anyway.  So, really, God was looking out for me.  He knew that I needed to be with my mom this summer.   It’s not that my desire to go to Africa was bad in any way, but the timing just wasn’t as right as I thought it was.  Maybe the time will be right at some point in the future, but who knows?  Only God.

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In other news, we’re now off to a new semester at AI!  This is my third year… eek!  The time flies by!  Look for more frequent updates in the months to come.