Journal of John Bouc

I know it’s been a while since my last submission.  Some of that has been technichnal challenges and some has been my juggling of priorities.  Nonetheless,  the following is an article that I recently wrote for the newsletter at the high school where I work.  I hope you find it worth your time!

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If you can spare a minute, then put your feet up, and take a mental journey with me to one of our recent retreats.  Our junior class, through four separate groups, makes a trip down to Camp Ondessonk, nestled deep in the rich natural beauty of the Shawnee Forest in southern Illinois.  On this particular retreat after lunch the first day, we made our way to a familiar canyon which was immaculately painted with lush shades of amber and brown leaves while an elaborate tumble of giant rocks was teaming with the waters from a recent rain.  Before I could make it to the top of the pouring waters, one by one our students were jumping in despite the cold murky water, and somehow, it became MY turn.

I sat on the edge of a slippery “slide” of a stone staring into the dark and churning pool when I pushed off!  All at once I was under the dark and freezing water, shivering and clambering to get out.  Just then, someone reached their hand to help me while a group gathered around began to clap and cheer for reasons I couldn’t understand.  I was soaked, freezing… and never felt better!

Perhaps… it was because I had just completed my initiation into this motley group of mud-water-soaked crazy people.  Nonetheless, somehow, I took a small risk, as they did, to emerge, not alone, but in some way as one of them.

I stood up and looked around at this interesting spectacle of people, nature and God at play together and it made me think about my Baptism.  Yes, Baptism.  We are called forward by people who care about us to become one with them through Christ, members in the Church.  We take a plunge into water, water which is a source of life and source of disaster.  We emerge, somehow changed, not alone, but embraced by the people around us. 

We as Christians choose to submit ourselves to the murky waters of life time and time again.  We dive in, not alone, but with our fellow Christians and especially with Jesus.  Again and again, we reemerge refreshed with newness of life in Christ.  While our own Baptismal water may not have been so chilly or dark, is there really any guarantee that our life will be any clearer or easier? 

Perhaps not today, perhaps not tomorrow, but sooner or later, every person on earth must dive again into the tumultuous waters of our life.  Some do it alone. Some do it trusting only in themselves.  You and I, as followers of Christ face each plunge as a Baptized community, not alone but with each other, not without faith but with every confidence in Christ. 

Finally, our ultimate Baptismal plunge will be the end of our earthly life.  What “waters” could be more mysterious or uncertain?  When that day comes, we will reemerge from the dark waters of sin, fear, and doubt into the brilliance and the glory of Heaven.

This morning, as I do every morning at the school where I work, I had the privilege of leading our school in prayer. On a day like this, there is a flood of images, memories, and feelings. As a campus minister, it can be a challenge to search for good words that might give voice to a prayer of everyone here. Moreover, the youngest students at our school were probably only 8yrs old when the tragedy struck.

As I shuffled through some of my “old prayers” and reflections, I was drawn to the crucifix, a sacred image on the wall of every room here.

When faced with such an amazing display of senseless tragedy, this image is most important? When hatred, evil, sin and even death take a strike at who we hope to be as a people, the crucifix can be a compelling reminder. Christ, although subjected to the same darkness, triumphs once and for all. Jesus’ victory is a victory for each of us, for those who died on 9-11, and for those who will face will hardship in time to come.

As I sit down to write this latest installment, I am in the midst of preparations for the last of nine different retreats I am responsible for coordinating and sometimes personally leading (as in the case this week). In case you have not read some of my previous ramblings in the blog, I am the Campus Minister of a Catholic high school so each of these retreats not only involves a rowdy bunch of teenagers but also a captive group- that is they MUST go on the retreat. Fortunately, the response is overwhelmingly very positive and our programs have a strong reputation, but every retreat is a challenge, an adventure, and a marathon.

One of the greatest means of learning is to be a teacher.

This isnt news to anyone, but it is always amazing to me when I have a special chance to experience it first hand.

This past weekend, I had the privilege again to be a part of a training team. It was our job to train people from various parts of our diocese on how to properly celebrate the ritual for Sundays when a priest is not available.

Sure enough, we gave many talks/lectures about the rite and skills for presiding at prayer. We took questions, eased fears and sent each out with a special challenge ahead. However, what really made the experience overwhelming for me was the chance to live and breathe as a wisdom community of believers, a group of people in love with God and eager to experience God through the sacred mysteries. I was taken aback by how much I had to offer for our endeavor and by how enthusiastic everyone was to learn and grow in our expression of faith. The enthusiasm of the participants lead to new questions and insights that we, the team, had never considered.

It may have been deceiving that while we were considered to be the”teachers” we were equally blessed to be learners.

After the blessed season of Advent and the all the joys of Christmas- the parties, the liturgies, the family gatherings and treasured traditions, there is not too much left by January 3.

There is no way to smooth over the grating feelings of sleep depravity, a pesky cold and the return to lingering stacks of work that have been waiting around in my office like obnoxious house-guests.

There are many times of the year both in our personal lives and in the Church for which we ritually orient ourselves toward God. Christmas, Easter and other”big” occasions in our life hopefully help us to refocus and refresh. However, it seems to me that it is the”January 3rd’s” of our life that really challenge me. However, today is no less an occasion of God’s saving work than that of the Easter Vigil. The holiness of the paschal mystery is flourishing around me even today whether I see it through the stack of unopened mail or not.

Summer warmth leads to winter cold. One season of nature arrives as the other slowly fades. Likewise, one season of life is always rolling in while another is slowly passing.

Being alive in this life God created means to live in”change” and exist in”time”.

My current ccourse is Liturgical Year and Liturgical Prayer so this deeper understanding of time is what we are all about in this class.

Personally, I have experienced God through time in the growing-up of my children. Each day I am overwhelmed by the incredible joy that pours out from each of them. Sure enough, spills, messes, and other disasters come out along the way too. However, the love, the creativity, the energy, and the pure joy that each of the kids seems to bear is more than I could ever gather up and truly soak-in. Each day they are living and growing faster than I can keep up! I struggle to cherish each fleeting moment of growth, of development, of change.

I only get to live each day with them once and there is always more goodness abounding than I could ever fully appreciate.

For me, this is one way that”time” points back to God. When the passing of time, God’s own creation, brings joy that goes beyond the limits of time, it reminds me of the infinite joy of the Heavenly kingdom.

Maybe”time” becomes my photo-album of glimpses into heaven?

There is nothing like a great,”sun-shiny” day full of opportunities, ambition, and successes! However, today is not one of those days!

My day, today, feels like it is grinding along with many projects needing my attenion all at once while I have enough energy for doing… oh, maybe half of one project.

Sure, the new baby was up many times last night. This week has extra projects competing for my time, and I have been getting over a cold. Still, somehow, it is through nothing less than the grace of the Holy Spirit that even this seemingly ordinary day takes on extaordinary meaning. Although no honorary proclamations will be made or awards handed out, today I continue to fulfill who God has called me to be: a husband, father, Campus Minister, student, a disciple.

Being engaged in the academic and spiritual community of Aquinas Institute helps me realize this more clearly and to be reminded of the unfolding of my Baptismal mission- even on the days that otherwise seem dominated by dullness.

It could hardly be more fitting to begin this blog about my life as an Aquinas student than while in the midst of working on a mid-term paper!

A little about me…

I live for God, my wife, and my kids. For me, they are the biggest part of my personal “religious vocation”, the answering of my Baptismal call. However, I also cherish the opportunity to work with a whole school full of teenagers and faculty for my”job”. This too is a part of answering”my call” at this stage of my life.

I tell you these things because I believe that continuing my education at Aquinas is not just helpful for my job, but truly an extension of trying to live the life God is calling me to. Am I really busy- Yes. Do I run out of time- Yes. Is money tight- Yes. Do I manage- Yes. Is it all worth it- I think it is becoming more and more worthwhile everyday.

Before I pause- let me say that I am honored to have you read into my life a bit, and I hope that these glimpses into my journey can be helpful to your own.

God’s peace,

-John