Journal of Michelle Smith

With the passing of Rosa Parks, I thought I would be really sad, but I am really angry. I am angry that she has left us and we are no better off than we are.

We still have interracial fights and intraracial fights. We have affirmative action and reverse discrimination. Our church teachings say treat homosexuals with dignity and compassion. But most states don’t have laws that make it illegal to fire someone for being gay. We have No Child Left Behind that is leaving too many children behind. We have desegregation and achievement gaps. We have the movie “Crash” and the 13-year-old Olsen twins of the white supremecist movement singing about hate. We have people who claim to be pro-life who are pro-death penalty.

And the saddest part is that the list could go on. Now our politicians in Washington are trying to pass a resolution to allow Rosa Parks to lie in state in the Capitol Rotunda. I’m even too jaded to feel good about it because it seems too much like “too good an opportunity to pass up” given how they botched relief efforts when Katrina hit. Remember, it wasn’t that long ago that we were hearing talk on t.v. about how things might have moved quicker had the people down south in need been wealthy and caucasian.

It would be nice if the motives were truly to allow people to pay their respects to an icon–to say goodbye to the woman who made it possible for so many people of color in this country to not only move from the back of the bus, but to have any opportunties at all.

I just wish we didn’t have so far to go. Nevertheless, I still have faith and that’s the only thing that makes this all worth it. Watching 21 African American and Jewish young people come together this summer in a program called Cultural Leadership to become change agents to dismantle racism, anti-semitism and other forms of discrimination makes it worth it.

I have faith that one day, like Rosa Parks, more of us will get mad enough because we’ve had enough and say “Enough”! I have faith that we will learn to love one another. After all, why else are we still here?

I will likely be stating the obvious for many who read this, but the purpose is to share how Aquinas is affecting my life, so here’s another piece.

I shared last time about helping the mother and her son (and six other children indirectly). I notice that I see people in need differently now than when I started at Aquinas. I even define “people in need” differently than I did before. I tend to be more Christ-centered now. When Christ is my focus, then I can empathize more. I am less judgmental when I use Him as my model. All of sudden, I can “see” the other person’s story unfold before my eyes. Then the person becomes a brother or a sister in Christ; not just a beggar or a bum.

I’ve listened to sermons and homilies all my life about how church is for the sick people (sinners) and if you’re perfect, then church is not the place for you. However, it finally hit me that church truly is for the people who need healing; especially the ones who believe they are the healers. Aquinas is opening my eyes to exactly how I will be able to serve my parish. However, even the doctor has to get a check-up every once in a while.

It’s not enough to just go to school and think that I will get all I need to know any more than it is enough to just go to church. I need both.

You know, when we go to the hospital, sometimes we get medicine. Well, we all know what the medicine is at church, but if we get off the meds as soon as we leave the church, then we are just the “walking wounded.”

For the first time in a long time I found myself excited about going to Mass to be healed–to receive the body and blood and to go back out and be Jesus to others. Often I am excited about seeing my friends or the youth or hearing a good homily, but not so focused on my time with God. So, yesterday I was excited to be in true worship, but something happened that took me away from Mass and I felt cheated. So, I went to Daily Mass today. It was nice to sit in that mini-community of people who come every day. I almost felt like an outsider among them, though. Still, I feel better having had my dose of Jesus.

What I hope to gain from my time at Aquinas will be the ability to observe what is going on around me for the people of God and the ability to help others get well when they need healing. But don’t worry…I’ll keep going for my check-ups, or else I won’t be any good to anybody else.

Jesus lives in all of us and the Holy Spirit was working in me one evening this week when I went to buy dinner.

On my way to the car, a woman walking with her son asked me for money for her car so she could get home. The car was across the street with the hood up. She pointed the car out just in case I wanted to see for myself. After going through purse pockets and jacket pockets, I realized I had no money to give her. I only had a credit card. I asked her if she was hungry and she said “Yes.”

So we went to Subway to get them something to eat, but their credit card machine was not operating. Luckily, the Chinese restaurant where I got my food was accepting credit card payments, so we went and ordered something for my new friends–2 whole orders of ham and pork fried rice, two orders of chicken wings (for a total of 6) and two large sodas. Most interesting was that she only asked for two half orders of the fried rice. I was the one who supersized the order.

When she asked where I went to church I realized that Jesus was present to her at that moment. Yet, what was most humbling was her desire to come worship at my church on Sunday and her unwillingness to take advantage. You see, she had six other children at home. I could also see the Jesus in her.

I got her name and her son’s name. I also hugged them both and wished them well. I have already said prayers for them and their family. I told her son that how he could repay me would be to do the same thing for someone else when he has the opportunity.

We are truly the body of Christ. I have never felt it like I did that night. May God continue to bless us all in a mighty way.