Journal of Michelle Smith

I have always thought that my husband was one of the kindest, gentlest, most loving, most sensitive, strongest people I knew. I KNOW that he is now. I have watched him endure personal struggles that no person should endure when they work hard and do all that they are supposed to do, but sometimes bad things happen to good people.

What sets him apart is that I rarely hear negative things come out of his mouth about other people who do him wrong and he never wants to retaliate against them. What is different about him even now, is that now he prays with me when these things happen and he gives thanks openly for his blessings. He’s a good man changed for the better thanks be to God. I’m proud he’s my husband.

What I have learned through my studies so far is that we all have a wonderful, glorious God to thank for the grace and mercy that we receive everyday since the Word made flesh took away our sins so that we may have everlasting life. What a wonderful gift of grace for me to watch my husband grow spiritually. It is powerful to witness.

Holy Saturday was a beautiful day for me. I watched my husband receive the Sacraments of Initiation yesterday, while I was also constantly reminded of my baptismal promise, the Great Commission and the Great Commandment.

I think it is important to remember that we die to self and selfishness in baptism. That reminder helps when human nature catches up with us. Jesus’ commissioning of the apostles to “go and make disciples” is our charge as Christians. I did not realize, until I heard my husband talk about it with his RCIA group, how much of an influence I was on him in living my faith for him to see and talking about my faith so that he could hear. I helped bring forth a new disciple just in living my life, nearly three years to the day of my becoming Catholic (April 19, 2003).

As part of the RCIA process, my husband had to choose a sponsor. Well, you might think he chose me, but he didn’t. He chose his friend. That hurt my feelings until he explained that he failed to research that it was okay for a spouse to be a sponsor. What truly bothered and annoyed me was that his friend was MIA for almost the entire process. He wrote the letter to the Bishop and showed up for Easter Vigil–that’s it. And I was mad about that. I was disappointed for my husband that he did not have the kind of sponsor that I had. I had become his defacto sponsor because I was at the meetings. But it was my husband who reminded me of Jesus’ commandment to “love one another as I have loved you.”

It was easy once I focused on love. Love brought his sponsor across the river from Belleville, IL, with his wife on her birthday to celebrate our risen Lord and their friend’s initiation into the Catholic faith. Love is why I put aside my feelings long enough to realize there was room enough for two sponsors.

Oh yeah, I also learned a lesson about patience and forgiveness. God has a sense of humor in the lessons that you receive. I used my hearing-impaired, talkative father as a cute weapon of pennance against my husband’s sponsor. Well, I got mine as I chose to have dinner with dad after services and I had to listen to him go on and on about nothing. That’s what I get! I was reminded that my only responsibility is to love. When we handle our own responsibilities, God handles the rest.

It doesn’t matter why his sponsor wasn’t around during the process. I had forgotten how he was a sponsor before my husband decided to do this. He was probably more of a nag than I. When it is all said and done, he was there when it counted–humble and proud of his friend’s decision to follow in the Catholic tradition. The other stuff is small stuff–really small compared to Jesus.