Journal of Michelle Smith

Recent developments in my life have caused me to seek reconciliation quite often. I want to share some of the more recent experiences that I have witnessed.

Most recently my husband’s car was stolen–twice. I won’t go into the specifics of the situation other than to say that when we finally retrieved the car and had to call for a tow truck, I was floored by his comment. He said, “I really feel sorry for those two boys because they’re lost.” Now, I will just say that was not MY response for the weekend from he–. My husband has one of the most forgiving spirits of anyone I have ever met in my life. He is a walking sacrament of reconciliation in my opinion and he truly does credit his conversion experience for any increases in his outward display of faith. Okay, so much for telling his story.

I have two more intimate stories of reconciliation that are mine to tell. At the end of October, I traveled to Ponca City, Oklahoma, to visit my grandmother’s grave. Suffice it to say that we were not on speaking terms when she passed (I hated her guts actually for how I felt she’d mistreated my family and me). Well, I was able to go back with adult eyes and make peace with her and heal 20-year-old wounds. I had no clue where her grave was located in the cemetery, but a squirrel led me right to it (no joke!) A warm calm came over me as I forgave and asked for forgiveness. At the same time, I found the marker for my great-grandparents. That was truly a gift.

Finally, I have a story that took place less than two weeks ago. In fact, it was the day the car was stolen the second time (so I was having a BAD day). Anyway, I was going in to pick up some Chinese food and made eye contact with a person who appeared to be homeless and he desperately wanted my attention. I sat in the car on the cell phone, looking at the corner of my eye, hoping he’d go away but he didn’t. I reached for some money and stuck it in my pocket, never stopping my conversation on the cell. When I stepped out of the car, the man’s incessant “Excuse me” cries grated on my nerves until I SCREAMED at him, “WHAT?!” Well he jumped, raised his hands in disbelief and apologized for disturbing me. Meanwhile I was ranting on the cell phone into the restaurant about how this man was begging for money and had the nerve to interrupt me. THAT’S WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT GOT INVOLVED.

After paying for my food, I had time to wait and think about what a roaring b—- I was to that man and how I really didn’t want him to go away thinking that’s the type of person that I am. He walked with a limp, so I figured he couldn’t have gotten far, but he was out of sight by the time I go to the door and looked out. So, I got my food, got in the car, and drove around the block to look for him–praying that I find him so I could apologize for my behavior. THE LORD ANSWERED MY PRAYER. I found him a block-and-a-half away and pulled up to talk to him. Needless to say, he was startled to see me at first, but I told him that I was there to apologize for my behavior. In fact, I said, “I had absolutely no right to speak to you that way just because I was having a bad day and I’m very sorry sir.”

He was shocked that I came looking for him and when he tried to speak I realized he had an extremely bad stutter. I sat patiently and listened as he explained he was looking for money for his copay for his empty asthma inhaler. I reached in my pocket and gave him more than I had originally intended and he gave me a hug and thanked me. I thanked him and Him. Please know, I did not make it my business to care what he planned to use the money for because that is between him and God. All I know is there IS true POWER in forgiveness.

Thank you God, for allowing me to stumble, so that I could get back up.

Amen.