Journal of Michelle Smith

I graduateed with my Master of Arts in Pastoral Studies (MAPS) this past May. So now what?  When I started the degree program at Aquinas Institute of Theology I was working for a Catholic Church and the reason for going to school for yet another degree was to form me to be a better minister for the congregation.  That was August 2005.

By October 2007, I had left the employ of the church and returned to practicing law full-time.  After much discernment I returned to school to finish my MAPS degree.  So now what?

Now, my focus is to take what I have learned about our purpose as Christians in building up the Kingdom of God and continue to do that in my chosen vocation.  I will continue to run Michelle Smith Legal Ministry to serve those who are serving others.  I will use my corporate law background to serve nonprofit organizations and churches, but I will leave most of the legal assistance for individuals and families to other professionals better suited to assist them.  In other words, I am humble enough to state emphatically that I have limitations and my gifts are not in every area of the law.

So now what, I will glorify God using my gifts and talents to serve God’s people and to continue to preach the Gospel in deeds as much as possible.

The following is a quote from the last paragraph of my first post in August 2005 to this blog:

“RCIA sparked the conversion in me that led to my profession of faith and becoming Catholic. I believe that I am merely following God’s plan for my life as I minister to the youth and young adults at my parish and as I pursue the Master of Arts in Pastoral Studies at Aquinas as part of the Apollos Project. I am proud of the progress that I have seen in my life once I let go of my plan for my life and began to follow God’s plan. Aquinas will be yet another chapter in my life that may help people to understand who I am and why I do the things that I do. I am a servant of God.”

I am literally 7 weeks away from graduating with a Master of Arts in Pastoral Studies from Aquinas Institute of Theology and I decided to take a look at my very first blog post and reflect as my formal theological study comes to a close for a time.  A few things have changed–I no longer work for the Church and, therefore, am no longer part of the Apollos Project.

What have I learned? Sure I have learned lots of big words and concepts and quite a bit of Latin.  The funny part is that in the end it is still so simple–it all comes back to God.  For example, as a student I have come to a better understanding of the Trinity.  The Trinity is the Mystery of Mysteries.  A Catholic look at this relationship that exists within the Trinity leaves me with the knowledge that God the Father is the Father in relation to the Son  and brings forth the Holy Spirit.  The whole one God in three persons is an amazing gift for those who believe.  A complex concept, but still so simple–it’s about relationship.

For others, the gift may be in knowing that as Christians we have a supreme model in Jesus Christ on how to pray, live and love.  Studying for the last 5 years has been truly transformative for me. I am most certainly not the same person I was when I entered which is a wonderful thing and a wonderful, yet scary, place to be. It leaves me no choice but to put my trust in God that through prayer and discernment my path will reveal itself to me and I will begin another journey toward who I ultimately am supposed to be.  Amen.

I find myself thinking about the season of Lent and what it really means to me.  A lot of people talk to me and ask me, “So, what are you giving up?”  My answer was, rather than give up soda or chocolate, which are good things to give up certainly, I wanted to focus on what I might “take up” to bring me closer to Jesus during this season.

That being said, my focus this Lent is on prayer because it has been coming up on so many different discussions. It is as if these “signs” are for me to pay attention to improving my prayer life. It would be difficult to fault me for that as prayer was so important to Jesus.

So, my question to you is what are you going to take up?  What practice are you going to adopt that can improve your relationship with Jesus?  My hope for myself is that if I use these 40 days wisely, my prayer life will be something that I carry with me beyond Easter.  This is a much better thought than giving up soda only to drink it again after Easter.  In other words, I want my change to be a behavioral change that lasts for the rest of my life; rather than a discipline in which I engage for a short time only to go right back to it after a time. 

I’m not so sure how successful I’ll be, but the best part is that I should have time in prayer to reflect and ask for wisdom and guidance if I find myself falling short in some things.

Today I completed my application for graduation…this coming May. I am so excited and yet torn about this stage in my life coming to an end.  Okay, so I know the song, “Closing Time”, says, “Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  I get it, but it doesn’t make me any less anxious about what comes next.

I am so blessed to have been afforded the opportunity by Aquinas Institute of Theology to “tell my story” at least three different ways during these past few years:  first, with this blog; second with an article that was written about me by the Office of Communications during my first year and now, I’ve been invited to write for Signatures that will be published this Spring by Aquinas’ Communications Office. I feel honored and humbled to once again be able to share my journey of faith with people.

That being said, this week was the first week of the last semester of school for me! I am taking Supervised Practice of Ministry II (SPM II), Sacramental and Theological Foundations of Ministry, Lay Formation IV and Integrative Seminar.   For SPM II, I will continue my ministry at Lydia’s House, a place of healing and hope for women and children surviving domestic violence, one of the largest transitional housing agencies of this type in the country that provides services and supports to people who so often get abused through institutionalized oppression (another blog perhaps)…don’t get me started on how we actually have more animal shelters than shelters for human beings, though!

A great deal of my time at Aquinas has focused on Theological Reflection (TR) of some sort and that skill is being honed in SPM this year.  We’ve been asked this semester to describe our TR Rhythm.  I think that the most important question for me in theological reflection has become, “Where is God in…[this event/happening/circumstance]?”

So, look for me to share some of those reflections as my time as a MAPS student winds down…but you might find it helpful to ask yourself the question, “Where was God in your life today?”

Blessings and Peace to you in the name of Christ our Savior,

Michelle

I continue on my journey of discernment and figuring out just what I am to do with all of these gifts and blessings from God.

I know whatever I do must involve using my legal expertise for the benefit of the oppressed and the underserved. So, I will look at my Legal Ministry and focus on serving churches and nonprofits and their members.

I feel confident that God has wonderful things in store for my ministry with his servants. Stay tuned…

I had a wonderful affirmation during the last days of the semester.  I reassured a dear, sweet colleague who was worried about presiding over a Prayer Service at her church that everything would be fine.  I reminded her that she has been blessed with unique gifts and talents of her own and to surrender to the Holy Spirit and let the Spirit guide her.  Not two minutes later was my position reaffirmed by an Aquinas faculty member.

 It was a wonderful moment not because I was affirmed but because it was added reassurance to my friend.  It was also a sign that what I have learned has truly become a part of me.  I continue to marvel at the transformation that has taken place in my life because of the education I am receiving at Aquinas Institute of Theology.  I give thanks on a regular basis for this gift. 

So, regardless of your faith denomination, know that you have gifts and talents that are not yours to hold on to in secret.  Your gifts are yours to be given away to the rest of us.  I assert this as my belief and my commitment to continue to use my gifts to bless others.

Peace be with you.

Bet you thought I’d be writing about history being made on Tuesday, November 4, 2008.  Nope, I want to talk about how my intuition and feelings were vindicated in Carla Mae Streeter’s Ecclesiology class.  I have always believed that the reason we have so many faith traditions is because they are the various roads to the Divine that allow us to journey closer in relationship.  In other words, I believe that in the End, some people will be surprised with how many people are in Heaven with them.

 What has happened to me is I have grown in my understanding of where the Divine is in each of us.  Incarnational theology suggests to me that because Jesus Christ was both human and divine, then he is a part of the DNA of each and every person.  We are ALL children of God.  As such, it is not about the faith tradition that saves us–we are all already saved.  When the Word made flesh says noone comes to the Father except through me, He’s already in each of us.

For me, the point of faith traditions are to develop our relationship with God and to help heal those who, through Free Will, have chosen to turn away from their life source.  In that sense, my job is to continue to be the light of Christ so that others who have no hope or understanding or have given up hope in God will find their way again. 

You see, it wasn’t being Catholic that saved me.  I was already saved by His blood on the cross.  What was happening was an awakening inside of me.  I REALIZED that I could do nothing without God.  I understand now that what was pushing me was that piece of God deep within me that I could not find because I chose (remember free will) to be stuck in the muck of pain and judgment.  I have started to give those hurtful feelings over to God and am finding my life changing.  I am being healed through prayer and the Eucharist.  Realizing how close Jesus really is to me is the most wonderful feeling in the world. 

 I ask for your continued prayers for my spiritual growth and development.  Not just for my own sake, but for the ones I have been sent here to touch because no gift is just for me and me alone.

I’m baaaaaaack!  It’s amazing how much I’ve missed being in school; around the wonderful people and sometimes even mystical faculty.  It’s amazing how my spiritual development grows exponentially when I’m studying at Aquinas.  Simply put, I am easing my way back into study after taking last year off. 

I am no longer a part of the Apollos Project, but still have a connection to my friends and colleagues in that program.  I am realizing that I AM is such an important part of my identity.  I am currently taking Spirituality and Psychology with Paul Coutinho, S.J.  His class has opened the door to my soul and I am searching again for my spiritual identity.

Just this week, someone asked me “What are you going to do with a M.A.P.S. degree?”  The question almost comes as a challenge–how can you use that degree if you’re not working at a church or doing something religious?  Well, I’ll tell you how.  It’s not about what I will do with it, but who I am becoming because of it.  Because of my studies, I have changed; I have evolved. I am a more spiritual person, which means that my law practice cannot help but be more spiritual as an outpouring of me and what I have learned and continue to learn.

No, it’s not just a piece of paper to hang on the wall or to refer to in intellectual conversation.  If you have not been changed and transformed as a result of this education, then, in my opinion, it’s just been an exercise.  Paul told us the first day in class that if we do not all leave the class as better people with a deeper relationship with God, then we’ve failed.  Well, I don’t want to fail this class!

I’ve finally made the decision to trust God.  I’ve finally decided to have faith and to live the faith that I spent so many years sharing with young people.  So, I really will devote my time to my legal ministry and trying to make the legal system accessible to as many people as possible.  You see, I’ve been operating with a “false cushion” thinking that if I had a steady source of income (i.e., another job) then that would be how I would subsidize my ministry to primarily low-income clients.  Except, it has been the other job that has distracted me from my ministry to those same clients.  You see, I’ve been afraid to step all the way out on faith and on my own out of fear of failure.  But a good friend told me that FEAR stands for False Expectations Appearing Real.  All I know is that the Devil is a liar and I won’t let those lies keep me from my dream any longer. 

 So, I completed the last of my Youth Ministry Certificate courses and once I submit my final assignments in September, I will have the certificate.  What do I plan to do with it?  I plan to use what I’ve learned to enhance my own ministry and the ministries around me.  It may seem unrealistic, but I believe that everyone can benefit from the systems approach to comprehensive ministry.  It also plays to my strengths as a teacher and facilitator.   I’ve finally gotten the ear of my pastor and will have the opportunity to present my vision of ministry at my parish to him within the next few weeks.  It is a vision shaped by my studies at Aquinas and the Certificate in Youth Ministry program.  Better still, it is a shared vision being implemented in many parishes, so I am excited about this new opportunity.  I am excited to serve the Lord.  I am excited to finally walk by faith and not by sight.  And it’s about time!