Journal of Michelle Smith

The title of this blog entry is actually what a dear friend and mentor said to me the other night.

I had recently been approached by a potential client who needed my help and I called my mentor for some subject matter advice. Turns out my mentor has the gift of discernment. So, when she called me, she started answering my question before I asked it, only…she was answering the doubts that I had about taking the case (and other cases) in the first place.

After explaining to me about all of the doubts that I had yet to ever mention to her in the first place, she told me, “God has given you a case. He wouldn’t give it to you and not give you what you need to be successful. Don’t disrespect God by doubting. That would be like not having faith.”

Well, what happened after I took advice is even more astounding to me. You see, my mentor had also mentioned that sometimes the things you need from God will come from other people; maybe even nonbelievers. Imagine my amazement when within one week, another client of mine received an unexpected blessing from an opponent in her case. This case has been going on for nearly a decade and this poor woman hadn’t gotten a break from the judge or the other side. I get a lecture from my mentor about having faith. I surrender; then we receive this blessing. Okay, Lord. I get it now.

The blessings haven’t stopped either. I really wanted to share this testimony with others and say “Thank you” to my Lord and Master. I surrender all.

Many of you know how busy my life is. I’m a full-time Pastoral Associate at my church, working with youth and young adults and monitoring the budget. As an attorney, I run a part-time Legal Ministry law practice, whereby I provide legal assistance to churches, nonprofits and people who cannot afford an arm and a leg for legal representation. I also serve as Chairman of the Board of Sickle Cell Disease Community Advocates–a nonprofit, tax-exempt organization that provides awareness to the public at large and nonmedical services to people living with this deadly blood disease. On top of that, I’m a part-time graduate student at Aquinas. Whew!

With all that, though, it is so good to be back home at Aquinas. My prayer life has improved at Aquinas. My self-confidence has increased as I continue to earn good grades. Not to mention, I am a much better minister to the people of my congregation because I have learned so much about the Catholic faith.

I recently attended a lifelong faith formation conference in Orlando, Florida, entitled “Fashion Me A People.” It was wonderful to be affirmed in some of the approaches that I want to implement in my ministries and to hear of the successes in adolescent catechesis, as well as some of the universal obstacles. Even though it was rough to endure the 78 degree weather, it was good to come home and begin planning to improve how I minister to young people based upon what I learned at the conference and what I am learning at Aquinas.

If the purpose of my being in school is to learn and grow and become a better-formed Lay Minister, then I feel good about the foundation that is being laid here at Aquinas. Although I know I will continue to stay busy, I am sure that because most of what I do is for the benefit of God’s children, He won’t let me get too tired. I know the Lord will equip me to do what needs to be done. Praise God.

My New Year’s Resolution is to not make any more New Year’s Resolutions. They don’t really work anyway…at least not for me. The tradition to me is a lot like giving something up for Lent. People often give up things like chocolate or soda; only to take those things up again immediately after Lent. In fact, I tried to give up swearing; only to curse within the first day and decide to pick something else to do for Lent.

January 1st is a much better day to go to church, which I did, since it was the Solemnity of Mother Mary. If I plan to do anything it is to strive to live each day glorifying the Father. With that as my goal, then whatever I would otherwise “resolve” to do will fall into that category. Let’s try it:

I resolve to lose weight…that would mean treating my body as a temple. Hmmm that glorifies the Lord.

I resolve to be more patient with my earthly father…uhh wasn’t there a commandment about honoring mom and dad? Guess that glorifies God, too.

Give more to charity…didn’t He say, “in as much as you do unto the least of mine…”

Continue to follow my vocation and serve others…I remember something about faith without works being fruitless.

See, if you are trying to do something good, there’s a real strong chance you’ll be glorifying the Lord.

I also want to remember to give thanks to God more often for the good times and the bad because every day is a day of thanksgiving–it being a day that the Lord hath made.

Thanks be to God.

James was one who said, “Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town, spend a year there doing business, and make a profit’–you have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a puff of smoke that appears briefly and then disappears. Instead you should say, ‘If the Lord wills it, we shall live to do this or that.” James 4:13-15

These verses resonate with me today because a friend of mine is fighting for his life today. You may have driven past or seen the horrific accident on the news at Grand and St. Louis Avenue that was attributed to two drag racers. My friend was the innocent driver hit head-on.

This man is truly a man of God. He used to hold the position of Athletic Director (that I hold now) at my church when there was no salary. He did it out of the goodness of his heart. Yesterday, he was on his way down to the church (as he was nearly every day) to help other volunteers unload food and gifts for those who go without at Christmas. HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO DO THE WORK OF THE LORD.

We all pray that he will make a full recovery. We all give thanks to the Lord for the example he has been to all of us and his family.

If it is the Lord’s will, may we see another day to be of service to the children of God, as my friend has been everyday of his life.

A friend called me the other day and said, “Can I ask you a question?” My response was, “Sure you can.” Then she asked, “Do you mind answering in public?” Now, the lawyer in me kicked in and I responded, “Well that depends on the question and who’s listening.” That answer was followed by, “Oh, it’s a catechism question.” So I said, “Oh, in that case, sure. Go ahead.”

My friend put her friend Becky on the line who asked, “In Catechism classes, do they teach you about the birth and death of Jesus?” I said, “Yes.” Becky went on to talk about the new movie, “The Nativity Story,” which takes us into the world of Mary and Joseph and we get a glimpse into what they both must have gone through after Mary said yes to the Lord.

Well, Becky said that she was talking to a Catholic person about the movie and she was confused because the person to whom she was talking asked her whether she thought what was in the movie was factual. So, that led Becky to think, “What do they teach you in catechism class?”

Our discussion after that involved me giving an explanation of the liturgical calendar and how we’re now at the beginning, in the season of Advent. I talked about how this movie, like “The Passion of the Christ” gives a look into the world of the text of the Bible, so we can get a sense of what it was like back then. We also talked about how it seems like some Catholics don’t know the scriptures very well. I did affirm that there seems to be a cry among some for more Bible study, and I informed her to not be too shocked if she runs into some who are not as familiar with scriptures as she.

After the call ended, I texted a message back to my friend who originally called me because I wanted to be sure that Becky and others listening did not take from my comments a sweeping generalization that all Catholics do not know the scriptures and all Protestants do. That would be absurd and untrue. However, the question even goes deeper than who knows what about the Bible. It becomes, again, a question of faith.

Even if “The Nativity Story” like “The Passion of the Christ” is taken primarily from the Bible with some artistic license, we are still left with the ultimate question–did that really happen? You see, it seems to me, that the question posed to Becky may not have been about what that person learned or didn’t learn in Catechism class. It may have just been a question of faith. In other words, was that particular Catholic a believer or not? God only knows…

Recent developments in my life have caused me to seek reconciliation quite often. I want to share some of the more recent experiences that I have witnessed.

Most recently my husband’s car was stolen–twice. I won’t go into the specifics of the situation other than to say that when we finally retrieved the car and had to call for a tow truck, I was floored by his comment. He said, “I really feel sorry for those two boys because they’re lost.” Now, I will just say that was not MY response for the weekend from he–. My husband has one of the most forgiving spirits of anyone I have ever met in my life. He is a walking sacrament of reconciliation in my opinion and he truly does credit his conversion experience for any increases in his outward display of faith. Okay, so much for telling his story.

I have two more intimate stories of reconciliation that are mine to tell. At the end of October, I traveled to Ponca City, Oklahoma, to visit my grandmother’s grave. Suffice it to say that we were not on speaking terms when she passed (I hated her guts actually for how I felt she’d mistreated my family and me). Well, I was able to go back with adult eyes and make peace with her and heal 20-year-old wounds. I had no clue where her grave was located in the cemetery, but a squirrel led me right to it (no joke!) A warm calm came over me as I forgave and asked for forgiveness. At the same time, I found the marker for my great-grandparents. That was truly a gift.

Finally, I have a story that took place less than two weeks ago. In fact, it was the day the car was stolen the second time (so I was having a BAD day). Anyway, I was going in to pick up some Chinese food and made eye contact with a person who appeared to be homeless and he desperately wanted my attention. I sat in the car on the cell phone, looking at the corner of my eye, hoping he’d go away but he didn’t. I reached for some money and stuck it in my pocket, never stopping my conversation on the cell. When I stepped out of the car, the man’s incessant “Excuse me” cries grated on my nerves until I SCREAMED at him, “WHAT?!” Well he jumped, raised his hands in disbelief and apologized for disturbing me. Meanwhile I was ranting on the cell phone into the restaurant about how this man was begging for money and had the nerve to interrupt me. THAT’S WHEN THE HOLY SPIRIT GOT INVOLVED.

After paying for my food, I had time to wait and think about what a roaring b—- I was to that man and how I really didn’t want him to go away thinking that’s the type of person that I am. He walked with a limp, so I figured he couldn’t have gotten far, but he was out of sight by the time I go to the door and looked out. So, I got my food, got in the car, and drove around the block to look for him–praying that I find him so I could apologize for my behavior. THE LORD ANSWERED MY PRAYER. I found him a block-and-a-half away and pulled up to talk to him. Needless to say, he was startled to see me at first, but I told him that I was there to apologize for my behavior. In fact, I said, “I had absolutely no right to speak to you that way just because I was having a bad day and I’m very sorry sir.”

He was shocked that I came looking for him and when he tried to speak I realized he had an extremely bad stutter. I sat patiently and listened as he explained he was looking for money for his copay for his empty asthma inhaler. I reached in my pocket and gave him more than I had originally intended and he gave me a hug and thanked me. I thanked him and Him. Please know, I did not make it my business to care what he planned to use the money for because that is between him and God. All I know is there IS true POWER in forgiveness.

Thank you God, for allowing me to stumble, so that I could get back up.

Amen.

This past weekend I was at The Shrine of Our Lady of the Snows in Belleville, Illinois, for a course on Justice and Service provided by the Center for Ministry Development. As part of my MAPS degree, I have chosen a Youth Ministry Concentration and this was the second of eight classes working toward a certificate with graduate credit in Youth Ministry.

What has been wonderful about both classes so far has been their immediate applicability to my ministry. Pastoral Care was the first course and the psychology and information about things like birth order have been useful tools in just two months after the course.

Better still, was my conversation yesterday with my pastor, who actually asked about the weekend, “So what made it so wonderful.” I was able to share about the concept of applying a “pastoral circle” methodolgy of involvement, exploration, reflection and action to any given social justice issue or service object. My pastor especially liked the reflection component, since he’s been asking me to pursue reflections from my teens after each activity.

I also learned a lot about Catholic Social Teaching on various issues, like just wars. Did you know that the Catholic Church has a seven-step criteria for approaching every war in determining whether it’s just and that under NO circumstances is the use of nuclear weapons ever justified? Well I didn’t, but I was enlightened.

Some of us could do with educating ourselves more about our church and the faith that we claim as our own. It is the only responsible thing to do.

Blessings to you.

I witnessed something beautiful today. I was sitting, minding my own business eating my lunch at Sonic, when I looked up and saw an older African American woman struggling with some very large and heavy bags from Deals. She’d brought them out as far as the basket would let her (you know some are equipped with brakes that will only let you take the basket so far).

The lady had gotten the bags out of the basket and was really struggling to pick them up and walk to the bus stop that was maybe 150 feet away. After about the second time I saw her drop the bags she was trying to pick up, I decided to put my corn dog down and go help her. Before I could finish chewing, though, her knight in a BMW arrived.

A business casual white male, driving a red BMW roadster got out of his car and ran, didn’t walk, to her aid. He said a few words, which were probably “Let me help you.” He then took her bags to his car and she followed.

I thought, “Wow, he just did what I was going to do. There’s more than just me out here.” When I backed out and drove off, I could see the lady sitting rather comfortably in that BMW. Instantly, I thought of the love that Jesus had for the poor and I flashed back to how quickly the man ran to her aid to pick up those heavy bags. Then, I thought, he must see Jesus in her to take her to her destination on faith; for as we give, we receive.

One important point is also the faith and courage it took for the lady, in this day and age, to admit she needed help and to take a ride from a complete stranger.

So, where are the heavy bags in your life? Are you struggling to carry them or are you the one helping to lighten the load? Either way, help is on the way and his name is Jesus.

I’ve really enjoyed getting back into the groove. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed reading only at my leisure instead of for classes. I enjoyed writing things besides book reviews and research papers. I enjoyed relaxing.

But something came over me when I saw my two friends Cathy and Ellen for Youth Ministry class prior to the official start of school. I realized that I really missed school and I missed my friends. We had another retreat for the students in the Apollos Project this year. This year, though, we weren’t all nervous–it was like showing up at the family reunion. We even got to take some things home as a remembrance like you do at family reunions. If you see me or any of the Apollos folks around, ask us about our candles.

Classes have started and we picked up as if Summer hadn’t happened. I’ve already been working on that collaboration part–you know, one of the five habitus. I said “yes” to Ron Knapp, our Dean of Students, to helping out with New Student Orientation. I had a blast sitting on the panel and taking folks on a tour of SLU’s campus. Hey, our group managed to buy books and get their ID’s that day, so it was a very good day. More importantly, because of even being around for orientation, I made connections with new students and am excited about getting to know them as they become apart of the community. Hey, the second year in, I don’t even mind having regular conversation with members of the faculty.

Will I be this giddy on Labor Day if I haven’t finished my first paper assignment that’s due the next day? Probably not, but I do know that it’s good to be back and I’m looking forward to another great year.

Peace and blessings to you all.

My husband and I went to see the “Da Vinci Code” this evening at the movies. I did not read the book, but he did. At the end, he asked me, “As a Catholic, what did you think about the movie?” My response was, “Seems like much ado about nothing to me. It’s fiction.”

For me, anything is plausible, but that movie and no other would shake my faith in the power of Jesus Christ and what he did for us. What he did and didn’t do is of little consequence to me in my world of a faith that goes beyond human understanding.

As a viewer, the movie was a bit long. As a traveler, I found myself back in the Louvre and remembering I didn’t get to just walk up to the Mona Lisa…she was roped off!

As for the Church, perhaps they should have a little more faith in the faithful.