So, I completed the last of my Youth Ministry Certificate courses and once I submit my final assignments in September, I will have the certificate.  What do I plan to do with it?  I plan to use what I’ve learned to enhance my own ministry and the ministries around me.  It may seem unrealistic, but I believe that everyone can benefit from the systems approach to comprehensive ministry.  It also plays to my strengths as a teacher and facilitator.   I’ve finally gotten the ear of my pastor and will have the opportunity to present my vision of ministry at my parish to him within the next few weeks.  It is a vision shaped by my studies at Aquinas and the Certificate in Youth Ministry program.  Better still, it is a shared vision being implemented in many parishes, so I am excited about this new opportunity.  I am excited to serve the Lord.  I am excited to finally walk by faith and not by sight.  And it’s about time!

Well, I’m at the beginning of a new story in my life and I know the story is so much better because of my studies here at Aquinas. So, let me tell you the story and you can decide for yourself.

Three months ago I made a blog entry and my thoughts were all over the place (it was not one of my better entries). I had just received some signs, though, that it was time for me to make some changes in my life. So let’s review the signs that I received.

First, I had more people than I could count telling me that I was working myself too hard. I was serving my parish as its Pastoral Associate, which included being the business manager and the Youth Director. I was also working hard on my studies and trying to maintain my law practice, Michelle Smith Legal Ministry. I was also doing all of this while not taking very good care of my health. So, no wonder that my body shut down and I landed in the hospital with double pneumonia, a kidney infection, hypertension and my diabetes was not helping the healing process. Part of my recovery was a mandatory stay at home for two weeks. This quiet time was time to reflect on how God had sent me messages through other people. I just wasn’t paying attention.

Second sign was the day I returned to work. It was a fateful Wednesday, August 16, 2007. That was the day lightning struck our beautiful church and she went up in a five-alarm blaze. That night I made up my mind to stop acting like I couldn’t hear Him telling me it was time to move.

Move to what? The third sign. This sign actually has several confirmations wrapped up in it. Prior to taking ill, I had accepted a contract to serve as an Attorney consultant to an up and coming IT company. I had only been on the job for two weeks, took the youth to Atlanta, got sick and was off work for two weeks. So imagine my surprise when I return to the contract job and they offer me a full-time position doing just what I always dreamed in law school–corporate general counsel. Good pay. Good benefits. The chance I needed to serve God in a new way. Using my law license to serve Him. Deciding that I did not need to again try to balance two jobs where I practiced law and worked for the Rock, I decided that it was time to let the Rock go. Now for some confirmations.

First confirmation was that there was a wonderful lady waiting to step in and take the reigns from me. She was out of work and in need of insurance. I had two jobs with two sets of health insurance. She knew the vision that I was building and I believed she is competent to carry it through. It was during this time that the paper I wrote for summer school about why Moses did not get into the Promised Land made perfect sense. I, like Moses, was not the one to implement a new vision of youth ministry at The Rock. Someone else was supposed to do it.

Second confirmation. I found the perfect location to open Michelle Smith Legal Ministry. Everybody seems to know where it is on Lindell (Lindell Professional Building).

Third confirmation is that I bumped into a young man whom I had taught at Sanford Brown College. He’s a paralegal who has had a hard time finding work because he doesn’t have the experience, but he cannot get the experience without the work. The timing was right for him and he called me and when I told him I was just getting started, and could not pay him, he offered to volunteer his time to get some experience. What a blessing for both of us.

Next confirmation. I am blessed to have found a wondeful person to share this dream with and she is the perfect balance for me. She is great with numbers (I’m not). She has a cooler head than I do. And she is willing to use her accounting skills to run this ministry and manage the business affairs. These two people are gifts from God whom I treasure for they are helping me to grow this ministry for Him. I couldn’t ask for much else.

Last confirmation. New clients keep walking through the door and old clients bring me new business.

What have I learned from all of this? Some is what I already knew. Everything happens for a reason and it is all part of His plan for us. Every experience builds on the ones before it.

I had to leave the practice of law as I knew it then, so I could return to it with what I know now. I know now that all that I have is a gift from God. I know now that Jesus left us a model of servant leadership. I know now that I can run a law practice with a mission to serve God, serve those who serve others, and to serve the underserved. I can do all that for Him and I’ll be rich beyond measure.

Oh, by the way, I have not left ministry at the Rock Church. I have found new ways to serve in the church. I am a Sacristan for the Saturday evening liturgy. I also want to serve on the Stewardship Committee.

A new chapter has begun. Thanks be to God.

I am enjoying the richness of discussion in both my classes, but I am not as engaged personally as I have been for the last two years. The problem is that I feel I’m being called to something more and I’m trying to turn the volume down.

So much of Lay Formation classes have been about discerning our gifts and our call to ministry. What has been wonderful about Aquinas has been the transformative effect that my studies have had in my life. I am a different person than when I arrived.

The first week in SPM this semester, we were asked to write down to whom we feel called to serve in ministry. The difficulty I am having is that I feel called to serve people outside of my parish. That’s a good thing, right? Not if you are a full-time lay minister responsible for leading the spiritual growth of young people IN your parish.

It is during the difficult times that I grow closer to God, so this time will be no different than the others.

My problem isn’t hearing the call; it’s answering the call.

There is such good news that comes out of the fire. First, NO ONE WAS INJURED as a result of the fire. Also, that more damage was not done is a blessing. Most of the damage was to the roof and water and soot damage to the interior, but the structure of the building is still sound and in tact. Another blessing is that we had thousands of dollars of materials that our dance ministry and arts and environment ministry maintains in the attic of the church. We have a beautiful pipe organ that appears to be okay. We have an entire community within the city limits and outside the city on both sides of the river and across the globe who have offered their prayers, their money, their expertise, their time and their energy to help us however they can. These are just a few of the blessings.

The ironies of that day for me are that I had just returned to work that day after being off for two weeks following being hospitalized for a kidney infection and pneumonia. In fact, just that morning I had told our new pastor who’d been in town just one day that we were going to have a “new beginning, a rebirth.” From my mouth to God’s ears, huh? Little did I know what God had in store. Another irony is that the name of the choir that was rehearsing when the lightning struck the church is “The Voices of Thunder,” our men’s choir. Yeah, it’s okay to chuckle at that one. Let’s not forget the Gospel reading in church the Sunday after the fire: Jesus said, “I have come to set the earth on fire.” Fr. Matthew told us that day in his homily how he knew God was up there laughing at him. What he also did was talk about how being a Christian can cause division from the secular world, but unity among other Christians. What a powerful message.

He also talked about how the fire that has us out of our church for at least a year had done more for our parish than he could have ever hoped to do in 10 years as pastor. I think he’s right and I hope and pray that we maintain the level of unity that he preached about that day. I hope we remember, as we did that fateful night that WE ARE THE CHURCH; not the building. I hope we make the most of the Holy Smoke.

You see, I am a workaholic. Since I moved back to St. Louis is 1997, I have consistently maintained two to three jobs or major responsibilities. In fact, I’ve been pushing myself since my late mother had a stroke in 1996, when I would come home every weekend to help out at home. I was 26 then, though, so the toll wasn’t as high for me.

Eleven years later I am older and have neglected my health significantly. Yet, I did not take heed when my father and friends were telling me to slow down and that I work too hard.

As usual, I had a full-time job, a part-time job and graduate studies to maintain. I completed my work for school satisfactorily, got the youth to Atlanta for their annual trip and received a commendation from the CEO at the part-time job. Not bad right? Wrong.

Nothing is worth your health. I immediately dropped the extra class I didn’t need to take and I am currently assessing what else to let go of that is too burdensome. I need to slow down and stop working harder and start working smarter. I should have listened to the guardian angels that were telling me this. Since I wouldn’t listen to them, God gave me a message I had to listen to–kidney infection, low oxygen, high blood pressure, high blood glucose and pneumonia in both lungs. I got the message loud and clear. I was a human pin cushion and got no rest in the hospital for being bothered every few hours for some test or something. Now that I am home, rest it is.

As part of the body of Christ, it is important for me to take care of myself so that I am fit to take care of the rest of the body of Christ. I cannot fulfill my mission otherwise.

So, the moral of this story is take care of yourself and listen to your guardian angels. Otherwise, you may really get a talking to from upstairs!

We began each class reciting a Hebrew prayer called the Sh(e)ma (pronounced SHMAH). By the 10th and last day of class, many of us were able to recite it without the overhead.

I thought that spending 2 1/2 hours in class every day for two weeks would be tedious and tiring. It was tiring, but never tedious. In fact, it was refreshing because I really got to know the others in the class so much more than it seems over the course of a semester meeting one time per week.

Even better is we have time after the class ends to submit our assignments, so it isn’t even like you have to cram an entire semester’s-worth of work into two weeks. You have time.

I took the class to lighten my Fall load. I will have accomplished my goal and gained so much in the process. I highly recommend it–you won’t regret it…I didn’t.

Thank God.

Anyway, I was invited, along with my friend, to attend the 5pm Liturgy that was scheduled that day. George Boudreaux was the Presider and his homily included a dialogue, in the aftermath of Virginia Tech, about where can we find the resurrected Christ amidst violence. Violence like Waco and the Oklahoma City bombing.

The dialogue was amazing and incredibly touching. We talked about finding the Resurrection in forgiveness for the perpetrators, compassion for the perpetrators, selfless acts of courage, an increase in church attendance, in finding the “troubled” people BEFORE they can wreak havoc, and in understanding that there IS evil in the world and that the Cross and Resurrection means that we can contront that evil and overcome it.

Fast-forward a couple of days later and you have me meeting with a client (remember I have a part-time law practice). During this meeting I am laying out the options for my client to appeal an adverse action by a governmental agency. My client began to share with me how in the midst of his struggle with a work-related injury, failing to receive the approval to have surgery for the injury forced him to resign. Unfortunately for my client, his wife left him. She didn’t just leave him, though, she divided their family. You see, they have three daughters and, at the time, one was on her own already, the middle daughter was 15 and the youngest was around 10. What the mother decided to do was take the youngest daughter and leave the middle child with her father who had no job and few means to take care of either of them. (Let’s all cringe together!)

Suffice it to say, the Enemy was using my client’s wife and managed to destroy a family. Recalling the homily dialogue from just a couple of days prior, I was moved by the Spirit to ask my client, “Where can you find the resurrected Christ amidst that type of emotional violence that your ex-wife perpetrated against you and your daughters?” He stared at me with surprise and intrigue. I responded to the question this way…”You find it in your middle daughter getting married, having a family of her own and loving her children. You find it in your baby girl knowing that her father would never abandon her. You find it in your dignity and grace in court when your ex-wife was shouting mean things at you. And you find it in the fact that you are sitting right here with me, strong, resilient, loved. You are a survivor.”

This brought tears to both our eyes. My client said to me, “I needed to hear that. You see, I was really ready to give up. To call it quits. To end my life.” I said, “But you didn’t and here you are.” He said, “I needed someone to remind me of all that I have; not just what I had lost. It was like a beautiful poem and it was just for me.” I told him, “It simply came from God through me, because I’m not that eloquent.”

Everything happens for a reason. I was supposed to wander in to Aquinas and celebrate the Eucharist with people who lived the Resurrection after the bombing. They were supposed to touch me, so that I could touch my client. Now that’s Amazing Grace.

I can rejoice in knowing that I was able to say goodbye and let go of my mother when she was ready to go Home to be with the Father. I can stop crying long enough to smile at the thought that I made amends with my brother last summer and played a part in reconciling him with his estranged 24-year-old son.

As I walk a dear friend closer to the faith that brought me into a deeper relationship with Jesus, I can state emphatically that I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH JESUS CHRIST, who is present in the Eucharist and WHO STRENGTHENS ME. The power of the Eucharist is more powerful than grief. It’s more powerful than regret. When you turn it over to God, you just feel better.

I can say this absolutely because, I went to church for Midnight Mass and Christmas services when my mom died; and I celebrated the Easter Vigil, too. Don’t get me wrong, there were tears of sadness amidst tears of joy. I just wanted to share that the key for me is keeping the faith. With that, I know I may fall, but I will get up.

It’s the same faith, through the power of the Holy Spirit, that allowed Aquinas Institute of Theology to touch the life of a young teenager suffering with a rare viral infection that has her paralyzed. Because I continue to work to integrate what I learn in school with my parish youth ministry, I was touched by a story of faith, hope and love.

Our Teen Ministry learned the Rosary during Lent with an elder of the church. This elder’s daughter came to me and shared how the exercise touched her and allowed her to focus more deeply on her prayer life and to direct her prayers toward a couple’s daughter. I had tears in my eyes when she shared how being with the teens touched her and helped her to remember that when we no longer have earthly remedies available, we always have prayer.

Prayer. It was the Our Father that connected with my mother when nothing else could. My nephew shared in a Prayer of Salvation with my brother. And I believe prayer is why that paralyzed teen is showing improvement. The Lord works miracles for the faithful.

I pray that this Easter Season brings you closer still to God. I truly believe that’s all He wants.

The case I won was my first ever custody case. You may remember that I have shared that I spent most of my nearly 13 years practicing law as a corporate government attorney. In fact, I had been in a courtroom in a professional capacity on two occasions: once when I argued an appellate case and when I was initially sworn in to practice law. Furthermore, my litigation experience was limited to two administrative hearings with a veteran attorney as second chair. To say I felt uncomfortable would be accurate. Yet, I felt equally compelled to help this mother who had been robbed of eight years with her two children.

Well, God made her enemies her foot stools in this case. The same people who had fought her at every turn offered her custody. To have this mother walk out of the courtroom victorious, hug me and begin to sob was the most humbling thing that had ever happened to me. It was at that moment that I truly realized the power of the Lord to make things happen through people. When I say that I was MERELY HIS INSTRUMENT I mean every word. ANY TIME I NEEDED ANYTHING God provided it. I handled this matter on pro bono basis. To see mother and child reunited was payment enough.

My other case is part of a bigger mission of mine: to educate the public about and advocate on behalf of those living with Sickle Cell Disease. This incurable, often painful and disabling disease is not understood by many who have the power to make AND interpret the law.

One of my clients is a 20-year-old unemployed male with a 10th grade education. He was not able to complete high school because of frequent absenteeism due to his illness. In fact, he had to undergo brain stem surgery. He is in such pain that he often has to take high-powered medicines like Oxycontin and Oxycodone. The real issue is that it is not just about this young man, but about EVERY PERSON living with Sickle Cell Disease. They are to whom I’ve been sent to serve in many ways.

I know this because at a Social Security Seminar yesterday, I just happened to sit at the table with an Administrative Law Judge who ruled in favor of her only claimant with Sickle Cell Disease. Then, on my left were two ladies who have nearly 60 years of experience between them working for Social Security. They told me that the group with whom to have a conversation are the people who make the initial determinations. WOW, another sign.

If I don’t know by now that my Legal Ministry is a blessing to me as much as to my clients, well then I probably ought to just drop out of school now, ‘cuz I haven’t learned a thing!

I had recently been approached by a potential client who needed my help and I called my mentor for some subject matter advice. Turns out my mentor has the gift of discernment. So, when she called me, she started answering my question before I asked it, only…she was answering the doubts that I had about taking the case (and other cases) in the first place.

After explaining to me about all of the doubts that I had yet to ever mention to her in the first place, she told me, “God has given you a case. He wouldn’t give it to you and not give you what you need to be successful. Don’t disrespect God by doubting. That would be like not having faith.”

Well, what happened after I took advice is even more astounding to me. You see, my mentor had also mentioned that sometimes the things you need from God will come from other people; maybe even nonbelievers. Imagine my amazement when within one week, another client of mine received an unexpected blessing from an opponent in her case. This case has been going on for nearly a decade and this poor woman hadn’t gotten a break from the judge or the other side. I get a lecture from my mentor about having faith. I surrender; then we receive this blessing. Okay, Lord. I get it now.

The blessings haven’t stopped either. I really wanted to share this testimony with others and say “Thank you” to my Lord and Master. I surrender all.