Journal of Michelle Smith

My husband and I went to see the “Da Vinci Code” this evening at the movies. I did not read the book, but he did. At the end, he asked me, “As a Catholic, what did you think about the movie?” My response was, “Seems like much ado about nothing to me. It’s fiction.”

For me, anything is plausible, but that movie and no other would shake my faith in the power of Jesus Christ and what he did for us. What he did and didn’t do is of little consequence to me in my world of a faith that goes beyond human understanding.

As a viewer, the movie was a bit long. As a traveler, I found myself back in the Louvre and remembering I didn’t get to just walk up to the Mona Lisa…she was roped off!

As for the Church, perhaps they should have a little more faith in the faithful.

Well, I turned in my final paper for the year and my last obligation will be to serve as an usher at Graduation. I am really looking forward to it for some reason. I can’t remember being excited for someone else’s graduation. I was much younger then.

As I look back at this past year I am grateful for having the opportunity to meet so many wonderful people and to make new friends. I feel blessed to know that I can make it in graduate school. Sure, I should have known, but like I’ve said before, law school took its toll. I am even more blessed to know that my ministry has been enhanced because of my education.

I have grown spiritually in a number of ways. I have faith and courage that I didn’t have when school started. I have tried to help more people outside of youth ministry, too. My ministry has expanded and that is nothing more than God’s grace. How wonderful it is to know, really and truly know that every moment is a gift and every gift is meant to be shared for the glory of God. The more I receive (and realize that I have received) the more I WANT TO GIVE.

Lord, grant me the wisdom to seek nourishment and the will to empty myself for the good of others. These things I ask through my savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hallelujah.

I have always thought that my husband was one of the kindest, gentlest, most loving, most sensitive, strongest people I knew. I KNOW that he is now. I have watched him endure personal struggles that no person should endure when they work hard and do all that they are supposed to do, but sometimes bad things happen to good people.

What sets him apart is that I rarely hear negative things come out of his mouth about other people who do him wrong and he never wants to retaliate against them. What is different about him even now, is that now he prays with me when these things happen and he gives thanks openly for his blessings. He’s a good man changed for the better thanks be to God. I’m proud he’s my husband.

What I have learned through my studies so far is that we all have a wonderful, glorious God to thank for the grace and mercy that we receive everyday since the Word made flesh took away our sins so that we may have everlasting life. What a wonderful gift of grace for me to watch my husband grow spiritually. It is powerful to witness.

Holy Saturday was a beautiful day for me. I watched my husband receive the Sacraments of Initiation yesterday, while I was also constantly reminded of my baptismal promise, the Great Commission and the Great Commandment.

I think it is important to remember that we die to self and selfishness in baptism. That reminder helps when human nature catches up with us. Jesus’ commissioning of the apostles to “go and make disciples” is our charge as Christians. I did not realize, until I heard my husband talk about it with his RCIA group, how much of an influence I was on him in living my faith for him to see and talking about my faith so that he could hear. I helped bring forth a new disciple just in living my life, nearly three years to the day of my becoming Catholic (April 19, 2003).

As part of the RCIA process, my husband had to choose a sponsor. Well, you might think he chose me, but he didn’t. He chose his friend. That hurt my feelings until he explained that he failed to research that it was okay for a spouse to be a sponsor. What truly bothered and annoyed me was that his friend was MIA for almost the entire process. He wrote the letter to the Bishop and showed up for Easter Vigil–that’s it. And I was mad about that. I was disappointed for my husband that he did not have the kind of sponsor that I had. I had become his defacto sponsor because I was at the meetings. But it was my husband who reminded me of Jesus’ commandment to “love one another as I have loved you.”

It was easy once I focused on love. Love brought his sponsor across the river from Belleville, IL, with his wife on her birthday to celebrate our risen Lord and their friend’s initiation into the Catholic faith. Love is why I put aside my feelings long enough to realize there was room enough for two sponsors.

Oh yeah, I also learned a lesson about patience and forgiveness. God has a sense of humor in the lessons that you receive. I used my hearing-impaired, talkative father as a cute weapon of pennance against my husband’s sponsor. Well, I got mine as I chose to have dinner with dad after services and I had to listen to him go on and on about nothing. That’s what I get! I was reminded that my only responsibility is to love. When we handle our own responsibilities, God handles the rest.

It doesn’t matter why his sponsor wasn’t around during the process. I had forgotten how he was a sponsor before my husband decided to do this. He was probably more of a nag than I. When it is all said and done, he was there when it counted–humble and proud of his friend’s decision to follow in the Catholic tradition. The other stuff is small stuff–really small compared to Jesus.

I was at Juvenile Court today to support an 11-year-old boy who’d already been incarcerated for one month and serving a one-month house arrest for allegedly injuring another child when he threw a brick (out of self-defense).

I have known this little boy and his three siblings for over six years and, yesterday, his mother showed up at my office door at the Rock Church asking for my help.

The amazing part was that she said, “The Spirit told me to come over here and talk to you Ms. Michelle.” She shared with me what had happened to her youngest son just over a month ago and how she had not been eating for the past week. She said, “I didn’t realize that while I wasn’t eating or taking care of myself that I was fasting, and that’s when the Spirit began to speak to me.”

Praise God that she listened to the Spirit. Take a look at what the Spirit led her to do:

1) She accepted a gift from her son’s boss (yes, this little boy works) to retain a private attorney because she was not pleased with the public defender. Her new attorney received a continuance to prepare a proper defense.

2) She came to see me and I informed her that I was an attorney (she never knew that) and that I was quite familiar and confident that the lawyer she planned to hire would be the best person to represent her son because of his extensive criminal law background.

3) She received at least two character reference letters (one of those from me, of course).

4) She had her son’s boss, myself, his Principal and Assistant Principal, one teacher’s aide, one substitute teacher, a former teacher, and a representative from Big Brothers, Big Sisters all present and ready to testify as to his character.

People were praying at home and praying in the Juvenile Court building. We had church up in that place! At least one little boy knows that those of us who claim to love him back our claims with action.

Satan tried to claim one of our children today, but Satan went home empty-handed. Not this child! Not today! God is alive.

Yesterday the Holy Spirit sent me a message to slow down. It came in the form of nearly hitting a pedestrian with my car as I backed up to pull into a parking space that I had driven past. More amazing than the fact that she wasn’t injured and I wasn’t traumatized for life was her response of “That’s okay, I shouldn’t have walked behind the car.” I’m not sure she even took the time because she was rushing to get somewhere too to realize what had almost happened to her. Then she just vanished. But the Holy Spirit said, “Slow down.”

As I entered Prayer at Midday yesterday, I saw a friend from class that I don’t see as much anymore because we don’t have classes together this semester. Yet, I had seen her as we passed by two Sundays ago at College Church for mass. Yesterday I stopped her as she was leaving school to tell her that I don’t like just bumping into her. So she told me to call her. That was the Holy Spirit telling me, “Slow down.”

As I woke up this morning I realized that I had not fulfilled a promise to a friend to call someone for a radio show. My friend Richard Lane will be on the radio (on Wednesday mornings with Zip) and he asked me to contact someone for his live call-in show, Evangelizing St. Louis. I got so busy with other things that I was doing that I forgot until this morning. When I got in contact with the person for Richard this morning. It was Anthony Bonner (former Vashon, SLU and NBA basketball player). Well, it turns out that Mr. Bonne had some information that he wanted to share with me. More amazing, though, is that when I shared this information with Richard, it turned out to be someone that Richard needed to talk to. I hear you Lord, “Slow down and listen to ‘Evangelizing St. Louis’ on AM Radio 1080 or 1460 on Wednesday mornings from 7-8am.” Okay, so maybe the Spirit didn’t say that last part (wink).

My best friend called me last weekend with chest pains, but didn’t go to the doctor. I’m still not sure she’s even called her doctor. Maybe it was indigestion (or maybe not). I’ve been telling her to slow down for months now, but she won’t–she’s on a mission. I pray that she hears the message soon, though.

Are you moving too fast? Not taking care of yourself like you should? Taking loved ones for granted? Whatever you are doing, continue to pray to stay open to hearing the Spirit speaking to you.

If there’s too much noise and other stuff in your life, you might not hear the Spirit. I pray that you can turn the background noise down enough to hear the Spirit tell you to slow down.

God bless.

Last Sunday I facilitated a meeting of the adults who work with the teens at my parish. Our Teen Ministers are wonderful people with a multitude of gifts, but so many people, as you can imagine, often clash over how things should go for the teens.

I felt it was important to work to bring the group together. I expressed the importance of the goal to model the Black Catholic Christian response to the Lord’s call to love one another and teach the Gospel. I wanted to focus on HUES, which stands for Healing, Unity, Evangelization and Service. I made that up myself.

I invited our Associate Pastor to join us because he is also an elder of the church and he is very wise and calm and I felt like we needed a calming presence to counter the more passionate emotions that might erupt in the meeting. However, those emotions did not take hold because I set the tone early with some gathering music.

As we read scripture that spoke of our many gifts and many parts of one body, I felt compelled to go around the room and ask everyone to share just one gift they felt they brought to the ministry. Each person shared a gift and only one person said she could not think of one. Even the Associate Pastor and I shared a gift with the group.

The beautiful part was that we realized that each person shared something unique and different. I was even able to share a gift that I saw in the lady who could not think of a gift, as well as sharing a gift on behalf of one person who left the meeting early.

I summarized all of the gifts that were shared and I looked around the room and saw smiles as we celebrated the giftedness sitting around the table. It was the first time I felt like we were all on the same page.

In a meeting today, the Associate Pastor had very positive things to say about the meeting and he said that he especially liked the part when I asked people to share their gifts with the group and he commented that he wondered where I learned that, so I answered his question…I learned it at school. I learned it at Aquinas.

It is amazing how much I have learned in less than two full semesters. I have learned so much that I could write an entire blog entry on just that (and perhaps I will when I have writer’s block). The main point is that I am using what I am learning. My parish is benefitting from what I am learning. I know how blessed I am for what I am receiving and I return to my church family to empty myself of that knowledge.

This is one of the best experiences of my life and I am so glad to be able to share it with others.

God bless you…

I apologize if the story is redundant, but I may not have shared it with you in this way…

In September 2004 I began a journey. I left the daily practice of law to pursue what I believed was a calling–Youth Ministry. That decision to walk away from job and monetary security did, in fact, cause a great deal of turmoil in my life. Good!

I had the time to focus on a true vocation in serving God’s children and devoting my work time to that effort. I had hoped for an immediate increase in salary at what was then a part-time job in ministry. However, that increase was not forthcoming. Good!

I had a vision of youth ministry that incorporated “Renewing the Vision”, published by the Committee on the Laity of the National Conference of Catholic Bishops, and we added some key components from our African American culture. I finally had a team of ministers working with me; only to find ourselves in the midst of more personality conflicts–I hate conflict. Good!

Our ministry worked to overcome the conflict and had a wonderful year, supported by our Associate Pastor, who had only been at the church for about a year. He helped us make sandwiches for the homeless and participated with us in many Teen Ministry events. Well, can you guess what happened? He was transferred after only a year. It felt like he’d been ripped away from us. Good!

After a few tears at the thought of losing our beloved Associate Pastor, we readied ourselves for our Pastor’s vision and dreams for our parish. He was in his third year as pastor and had served as Associate Pastor for more than a decade. Well, we didn’t get to hear his vision because we received word that he was being transferred to Memphis. What?! Good!

Okay, we have a new pastor who brings with him a new vision of how to implement the mission of evangelization. Part of his vision includes myself and other leaders in the parish letting go and entering into true collaboration and utilizing each others gifts. It’s not easy at all. In fact, it’s hard.

In the midst of so much change it’s hard to stay fixed on the Lord and His plan for your life. I am now being asked to do things that I did not envision for myself in September 2004. As we all struggle to do what we believe is right according to God, I am feeling good in the struggle. I have faith that we will all come out the other side victorious, for Christ won the victory for us on the cross.

Change is good. Change helps you grow and if you stay true to God, you will grow in your faith.

Thanks be to God.

As we begin this semester in our new home, I hope we all can feel the love…a love of learning, a love of preaching the gospel, a love of teaching others to do theology.

There’s the love that was the force behind this beautiful building that Aquinas will now call home and along with it comes a love of community, a love of strangers, a love of God.

A love greater than human.

I feel the transformation taking place within me. I’m reaching out to become something better than I was the day before. I am not as bothered by things as I used to be. I feel more certain of my mission as a Christian and what that means for me in my daily life.

As I do things, not for my own sake, but for the sake of others, I show a little piece of that love that was shown to all of us when God so loved the world…

Where in your life can you feel the love and be love to others?

This is the time of year when we make New Year’s Resolutions to do everything from lose weight to spending more time with our family. The interesting part about it all is that resolutions are all about our plans for our life. What about God’s plan?

A friend told me a cute joke last week. She said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell God your plans.” It got a chuckle out of me because it’s the truth. You’ve already read about my plans for my career and how I stumbled into a vocation…I stumbled, God led me there.

As we begin the year, this is the perfect opportunity to reflect on what God has already resolved for us. I’ve noticed I’ve started using the words gifts and collaboration more. But I’m not just talking about gifts and collaboration, I’m using the gifts that God has given me in conjunction with those that God’s given to others and to sit back and watch the Lord’s beauty unfold when you lean on a power greater than your own is amazing.

I’m looking for opportunties for the people whose lives I touch to see that they have gifts that need to be shared with others for those who do not yet know the power of the Eucharist.

Whatever is in store for any of us was already in the plan. We should all pray for the Holy Spirit to shine the light on God’s resolution for us…it’s already been resolved; we just have to find it for ourselves. Happy New Year and God bless.